The month of November, the month of Thanksgiving, is often filled with lots of focus on gratitude. It almost feels competitive at times. We MUST be full of gratitude and express it freely and widely.

I am a firm believer in appreciating the little things in life and keeping an eye on those things that are going well. However, for some, it may be a difficult month. Perhaps one of the things we can do is to demand less gratitude, and instead meet people where they are.

There are lots of reasons why people may not feel gratitude. There are people experiencing illness or a recent diagnosis. Some are in the midst of a grieving process, having lost someone they love to death or separation. Many feel stressed by all the demands of work and family or economic hardships.

And, for about half the country, people are experiencing fear, anger, dismay, and even trauma from the results of the Presidential election, particularly around issues of immigration, LGBTQ+ rights, the environment, women’s health, and democracy. Whether you are happy with the results of the election or not, it is hard to ignore that some people feel much more vulnerable than others by the results and the promised policy directions. You may not believe that anyone is at risk, but if someone feels like they are, perhaps an acknowledgment of that is the most generous thing you can do.

I spoke to one Mom who has children attending a large suburban school district where there is a significant immigrant population. She is terrified for those families and her children are afraid that their friends are in danger. Another friend has a child who was targeted in political ads for months. She feels that her family is unsafe. Women who are considering having children are needing to rethink where they are willing to live given access to reproductive health care. And young people who will inherit the planet are worried that the older generation is too eager to turn back environmental protections. These are all real concerns that hit in the midst of the month of gratitude. 

Yes, there is a holiday called Thanksgiving in November - but not everyone is in the mood to feel grateful.

If you are not grateful, I offer the following. I am not looking to “fix” your experience, but to demonstrate that everyone needs to work through at their own pace and style:

• Withdraw. For people who follow the news closely, the continued focus can be overwhelming. Taking a break from watching the news, from social media, from news apps might be just the thing you need to calm the heart and mind.

• Engage. For some people, they have a need to immediately “do something.” Where your talents and energies will be most valuable might take some time to determine. Use this time to research opportunities for engagement so that you can be more focused in the areas that best match your values and interests.

• Distract. Plan some new activities and adventures to distract your worried mind. It can be as simple as walking in a different neighborhood, trying new recipes, learning a craft, or watching documentaries. Keep your mind busy with activities that are new and different - and healthy.

• Rest and Rewind. Now is a great time to engage in activities like yoga, meditation, stretching, and even napping. 

• Be active. Try or add a new exercise routine. Join a gym. Download an app. Let your body move. It is healthy for the mind and body.

• Know you are okay. It is okay to have whatever emotions you are having. It is not irrational. It is your life in the midst of a new environment, one in which you need to find your new equilibrium. Illness, loss of jobs, a separation, fear for your family - these are all things that take time to process. 

Do not interpret this to be a suggestion that we live in our emotions forever. We all need to find an altered path that enables us to move toward a life where gratitude is experienced. But, let’s allow for that to be a real journey for people rather than one artificially demanded by the calendar.

I do wish you all some peace and happiness - even if just a glimpse - on Thanksgiving.