Self Denial Can Be Joy Denial

I was introduced to the music of Queen when I was in high school and I was an immediate fan. I had one chance to see them in concert before Freddie Mercury died and I didn’t buy the tickets. I still regret that lost opportunity - because Queen is still music that you will hear frequently in my home and car.

I watched commercials for the Peloton Bike for years but dismissed it for myself without even looking into it despite the fact that it was something I just knew I would love.

I work hard and make a good income. I am a responsible spender and save for retirement. I am a generous donor to many nonprofits and causes. And yet, I was in a pattern of not spending money on myself. The difference between the Queen concert and the Peloton Bike is that I really was not doing well financially when I didn’t buy tickets. But, I could afford the Peloton Bike, but denied myself anyway.

One of the things I think that younger people taught me is that reserving your dollars for experiences is valuable. As I spend time downsizing my “stuff” (even though I know I have less than others) I am increasing my spending on musicals, concerts, activities, and going on more vacations (even if short and not that extravagant).

Some people struggle just to put food on the table or buy new school clothes for their children. This article is not blind to the privilege that I have to be able to afford everyday things and extras.

In my case, I tended towards ignoring my own likes and wishes even when I could afford to do so. I seemed to have this value of self-denial. Who did that serve exactly? What was really to be gained by focusing nearly all my attention on “responsibilities” and little on enriching experiences?

Two things happened. I bought the Peloton Bike. I was a regular user of my neighborhood gym, but then there was Covid. I did decide that my long-standing commitment to physical activity was still important, and living in a cold climate, I “justified” the purchase of a Peloton Bike. And, I love it!  I have said to myself so many times - why did I deny myself this when I knew from moment one that I wanted it? Why did the world have to shut down for me to listen to myself?

But the Peloton doesn’t get me out of the house very often. And I was becoming more and more isolated. This changed when, in support of one of my clients, I bought tickets to a musical and left remembering how very much I love live theater. So, I ignored the life time self-nagging that questioned spending the money and bought season tickets for two, and have thoroughly enjoyed all the musicals, having invited three different people this past year to attend with me. 

I just purchased tickets to see Hamilton in October and Penatonix for a Christmas concert in November.

I am very disciplined (my use of the Peloton Bike is one example of that!) and I continue to be both careful and generous with my financial resources. An article about discipline and responsible decision making can come on a different day. Today, I am appreciating that I have shedded a limiting character trait and as a result, I have events to look forward to that bring me joy!

Know your priorities. Direct your resources (time, money, talents) toward those priorities. Don’t create unnecessary barriers. I will never get to see Freddie Mercury in concert, but I plan to have many memories in my later years of joyful experiences. I’m not going to miss my shot.